"I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you"
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you"
Bless the Broken Road
Rascal Flatts
I think that whatever it is we believe in, we each have a path (or road), and that path is leading us some where. Whether it is from the past, the present, and/or future, the paths are there. In the present, we can't see the path/road that is in our future, but we have to believe it is leading us to somewhere. And as for the past, we can look back and see why we had to conquer specific milestones in our life and compare it to where we are today. When we are in the present, and times are hard and/or we are struggling with something that is difficult, know God does not give us anything that we can't handle.
5 years ago ...
Matt and I married, and I could not wait to start a family with him. All I ever wanted to be when I was growing up was a Mom and I couldn't wait to experience that with a man that I knew was going to be a wonderful Father.
We didn't have the best of luck when it came to starting a family. It took us a few years, and a few different tries and ways to become successfully pregnant. In September of 2011, we had our first experience of what it felt like when a pregnancy test turns positive. And we couldn't have been more thrilled. Our excitement was short lived when after a few days later, I went in to get some blood work done and discovered that my levels were not where they should be and that I would shortly miscarry. We were devastated.
A few weeks after that, my Sister found out she was expecting her third child. And it came to everybody as a big surprise. Even though Little Miss Emery was not planned, I was so extremely excited for my Sister and her family (who also had their own struggles of starting a family). Emery is a true gift from God.
A few months later, I was fortunate to become pregnant again. I went in to make sure my levels were where they were suppose to be, and they were. Matt and I felt that it was okay to tell our family. I remember my Sister and I being so excited to be pregnant at the same time and to have kids at such a close age. We knew it was going to be a lot of fun. I went in for my 8 week appointment, excited to see our baby for the first time but instead, we discovered that I had miscarried. I have never experienced a loss like that before. I was heart broken and felt like my heart had literally broken into a million pieces. At the time, it was hard for me to hear the cliché sayings of "everything happens for a reason", "God doesn't give you anything you can't handle", "I know it's hard now, but your time will come", etc.
Around the same time, I had a High School Friend who's Dad passed away. I was so sad for her. I went to his funeral and the next day I was to go in and have my D&C done, to remove what was left from my miscarriage. During the funeral, I sat there, praying for this family and at the same time I was thanking God for my parents and everybody else that I loved and cared for. Although it still hurt, I was fortunate to miscarry a baby so early, because that baby was not healthy and I could not imagine what it would have been like to miscarry later on in my pregnancy.
Emery Grace was born on May 16, 2012 and I was blessed to experience her birth. I may not have been able to do that if I was pregnant. It is an experience like no other, and one that I will never forget. I stayed with my sister at the hospital for two nights and I was grateful to be there to help her in any way possible.
Matt and I took a break from trying to get pregnant that summer and focused more on us instead of the pressure of starting a family. We decided we would begin to try and do everything that we could to become successful in starting a family that fall. We were not having any luck and it was putting damper on me spiritually. I prayed every night thanking God for all my blessing but I was still needing more. Telling him that I knew our time would come, but it was just so hard to wait and to trust in HIS time. I carried a prayer with me in my wallet that I wrote down one day, because when I went to pray that day I didn't know what to say. This sounds silly, but I had just read the book The Help, and in the book one of the characters writes down her prayers because she feels she communicates with God the best through writing. And so that is what I did. I probably pulled that prayer out of my wallet nearly every day, reciting it as well as multiple times a day. I felt it helped.
Just as Matt and I were going to take another break in "trying", January 2013, I found out I was pregnant. I feel like more then being excited this time, we were nervous. I went in for blood work and my levels were off the charts high (which is a good thing) and so I convinced the nurse in to letting me have a sonogram ASAP because I couldn't wait 8 weeks. The earliest I could get a sonogram was at 5 weeks. I still remember being in the waiting room for my sonogram, just praying and hoping there was a baby in there. I didn't want to hear "there is nothing" again. I didn't want to have to schedule another D&C. I felt like I was going to throw up.
And then we heard ...
"You are pregnant with twins"
The best words that I have ever heard. All I can remember doing is smiling and crying. Oh how wonderful. We are going to be parents of twins!
I'm not going to lie though, I was nervous every time I went in for a Doctor's appointment. I didn't want to find out that we had lost one baby or even both. I guess with twin pregnancies you are fortunate to receive multiple sonograms while you are pregnant. It's pretty much once a month that you get one, so that put me at ease a lot.
About 15 weeks later, the next best thing I heard after "you are pregnant with twins" was ...
"you are having twin boys"
Being a boy Mom is awesome!
I guess what I am trying to say and what my point being is, Matt and I had a difficult path to become a family of four. But it is the path that we had to take to lead us to Walker and William.
God is good.
Always.
... I still have that prayer in my wallet. And I don't think I will ever take it out.
Our first of many snuggles
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths."
Proverbs 3:5-6
